Not Alone
by thedeviltheangelandtheme
Summary: Roxas isn't sure what happened when he was abducted, but since then, he is essentially a ghost. Alive or dead? He isn't sure. Living through his best friend, he isn't expecting to have someone finally see him. He also isn't expecting to fall down the rabbit hole of his current existence. Rating for potential: rape, violence, abduction, yaoi/slash


The alarm's been going off every five minutes for two and a half hours. Listening to it this long, I'm deciding whether it sounds like an angry nest of bees, or somebody with indigestion. It's seven thirty in the morning when he finally wakes up.

He's going to be late.

He's my best friend- Sora- and by god's good graces, I guess, I'm here with him. He can't see me, can't hear me. He doesn't know I'm here. It's hard to explain...

My name is Roxas.

I was abducted thirteen months ago walking home from university, by a guy who I had made out with once at a frat party. I was drunk and nineteen, he was twenty seven.

From what I remember- he kept me drugged, so I don't remember much- he took me back to his place. He played around with me for a while, before beating me over the head. Then, I woke up in this alive-but-not-really state.

Long story short, I'm fairly certain that I'm dead.

When everybody talked about the dead being restless, I didn't know that they actually meant it. I can't sleep, can't do anything really. I just hang around and watch, and listen. By now, I've come to a sort of acceptance of it, but it wasn't always that easy. At first I would scream for Sora to look at me, to acknowledge me. I would pray, I would curse god- the works, you know? But there aren't any books on how to deal with being dead, or whatever I am.

Back when he would visit my folks, oh god, that was bad. I'd sit in the car, and wait.

I couldn't stand to see them like that-when they see Sora, they see me. And they always cry- or at least, they used to. He hasn't gone around to the house in a while. I'm sure that's okay though, better for all involved, really.

I'd like to say that I'm glad that everyone's starting to move on, but I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it when Sora glances reverently at my faded missing poster on the way to his gen-ed English course that he put off until his junior year of college.

I don't know how Ventus is doing- my brother. He's never around, and we were fighting before I went missing, so, it would feel a little weird if I were to just pop by to see what he's doing. To my knowledge, he doesn't come home very often. I really want to worry, but I know he's a big boy, and a lot of the time, I'm worried about Sora, and his everyday life.

With college, there's a lot to worry about. Essays, projects, lab work- I'd give the world for that to be my worry. But hey, I can't get too far into self pity; that's a road that, if I go down, could totally destroy me. The minute I forget that I'm dead is the minute I really get into suffering, because, if I'm not dead what am I?

Blah, blah, blah. Right. Sora, late for school, alarm clock.

He gets up, sluggishly, and I say aloud how much of a high schooler he is, and how he shouldn't have taken an early Saturday class if he wasn't going to get up in time to do his usual pampering. He'd probably hit me if he heard me, but then, he'd probably be crazy if he did.

Sora skips the shower for a hat, and throws his clothes on as quickly as possible. He runs out the door, and I have to work to keep up with him. I don't mind though, it's better than nothing. Besides, he's heading to his classes. While I don't understand a majority of what's said, (he's a biology major- just my luck) it's still interesting to listen to the side-conversations.

Sora glances over his shoulder after crossing each alley in his path- I was snagged by the creep while crossing an alley. I don't know whether he does this unconsciously because of me or not, but it makes me a little happy. He's watching his step, and that's good when you're a pretty boy.

Let's be honest here, we're both pretty boys. For me, that's the reason I was taken. I'm just glad I was the one to get hurt and let the lesson be learned before something happened to him. I'm not trying to be a martyr, or whatever, it's just that Sora has so much more to offer the world. I've known him too long, and I'm fairly certain we were brothers in a past life (providing that I'm just stuck in-between the afterlife and the next life), so it would be devastating if anything happened to him.

Anyway, he gets to class all right. There's plenty of gossip from the back of the room- Yuffie's back on with dating Tidus, and Cloud went to a gay club last Friday, but he still hasn't "picked which team he's batting for"- on and on.

It's great really. I'm thankful for the gossip, and for the two girls in the back that pass notes everyday. It gives me something to do when the professor's going on about biological-stuff and other things I didn't sign up for, and don't understand.

Sora goes through his day, stops briefly at my missing poster on his way to English. He goes over to his brother's, and stays the night; he does that when he's deep in thought, or feeling nostalgic.

I had known him by brief glances at the sleep-overs I had with Sora through grade school, but I've gotten to know Vanitas over the past year. It's kind of funny, and sad, that Vanitas had a bigger hand in looking for me then my own brother. Back when it was real bad for Sora, Van would stay up all night listening to Sora theorize and remember old times.

Tonight they stay up playing video games, and not studying for Sora's test in two days. He is oddly quiet, and much more thoughtful towards the massacre on screen than usual. Van notices, but says nothing.

He has lab the next day, so he doesn't have to get up too early. Sora is assigned a new lab partner, and, admittedly, he's cute. And I don't even go for the long-haired types (unless I'm drunk- but that's beside the point) so that's saying something.

He looks Sora up and down over his glasses, and then glances over towards me.

I'm used to this by now, he's looking at someone behind me. It happens a lot more than you realize, than you would think when you're alive, but I've gotten used to it by now. Sora speaks to regain his attention,

"My name's Sora- what's yours?"

"Riku, nice to meet you. I just transferred here from UoC- I hear the research program is fantastic here."

They go on talking for a while, something about research, and the teachers here, and other things biology majors talk about (I majored in linguistics- something Sora always teased me about.) Riku asks about the nightlife of the campus, and I couldn't help muttering,

"It's a killer, believe me."

Of course, no one hears

"Who's your friend- is he in this class?"

Sora glances around to see who he's talking about, and so do I. There is no one behind me, or around me. And then I see that Riku's looking right at me, right at my eyes. He's waiting for me to answer. Sora shrugs and moves on with the conversation, but Riku keeps looking at me.

He sees me.

Oh fuck.


End file.
